Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My feet surprised me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
