Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
