are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
