i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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