i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
