It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
