I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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