sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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