good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
