Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
