I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
