Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
