by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
