I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
