walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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