I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize