I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize