erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
