just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
