That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He felt like a one man threesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
