I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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