maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize