When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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