oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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