I only kidnapped one of them. chill
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
