I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
