I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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