so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
