sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
