FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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