My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
