At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
