fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
