we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
