I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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