If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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