wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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