Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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