What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
nutella sex= disaster
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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