I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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