i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
