tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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