i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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