I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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