Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
