well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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