woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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