WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
