You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
