Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
