did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
