In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
