I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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