Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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