remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
