that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
