saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
