I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
