You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
