Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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