Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
