So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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