I never want to see another naked old woman again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
