At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you have to choose: penises or morals?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize