Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
