yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
