doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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