The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
