It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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