there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
