i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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