he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
