I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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