Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize