Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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