So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
