i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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