I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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