Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize