Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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