This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
