I heard we made out
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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