Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize