i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He shit in the fireplace
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
