dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
