I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
