my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
