Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
