I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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