they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
