Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
