i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
