a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We are two peas in an std pod
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize