i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
