Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
