I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
