stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
