If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
