my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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