Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
