No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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