My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
