he shaved USA in his pubs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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