They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
