I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
