isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
