I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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