I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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