Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
