I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
