Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
