if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
