i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
