i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
