I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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